Today, like most days, I went home to eat lunch. Unlike any day in recent memory, I took out two slices of bread, two slices of turkey and a slice of Swiss cheese and made a sandwich. It was simple. It tasted delicious. It was inexpensive.
I needed that turkey sandwich in my life.
Lately, everything has seemed so complex and so frustrating to me. Why this? Why that? How come this won't just happen the way I want it to—and soon? If I needed a reminder that I'm not, and have never been, in control, these past few months have been it.
A lot of this emotion stems from the fear of having a baby and thinking I'm not ready. Most of it. I like to dot my is and cross my ts, and this surprise baby was a good way to shake things up. I don't feel crossed or dotted or in control, really, in any way for what's coming up soon.
So back to the sandwich. I really dislike sandwiches. My parents used to make sandwiches for lunch every day, and they would butter the bread before putting meat and cheese on it. I hated that buttered bread. I had a choice—I could keep eating the buttered sandwiches that I hated, or I could say something to my mom and dad about not wanting butter on the bread. I could choose to keep passively disliking the situation or I could choose to assert my feelings about that one thing, which I could control, and change it.
I never said anything about the butter on the sandwich bread. I just kept disliking it. For years and years.
Now I know about what I can change and I know what I can't change, and how my outlook, and this perspective, and everything I "happen to," are under my control. What happens in a circumstance I can't always plan, though, in any given situation, I can change my perspective that results from the situation.
I don't know why the past has happened the way it has, and I can't control what the future will hold. I can keep trying to, but I will just get tired and frustrated and angry. I can make the best decisions with all of the information I have, and I can pray that the outcome will be glorifying to Him. And that's where what I can do ends.
I can keep eating the sandwiches I hate, knowing I'm doing nothing myself to change the situation.
Or I can make the choice to take action about what I don't like. Whether that means choosing another option or simply choosing to change my perspective, I can make the choice, and that's all I can do.
Then, maybe the things I think I hate so much, like the turkey sandwiches of my youth, will prove to be not so bad after all.