This in-between phase of our life is really, really hard. We both just want Aaron to find a job doing what he is meant to do. We are both very stressed and anxious. It's hard. Sometimes it seems like there's no hope and no clear direction. I hate it for both of us. I hate burdening Aaron with my worry and stress, because neither of us needs that. Mostly, I just want to land in the place we are supposed to be, but neither of us know where that is or how to find it.
People have asked us where we would go if we could go anywhere in the world. But the problem is, all things are not equal. Aaron doesn't really want to move to Los Angeles. We would love to live someplace like Denver or Salt Lake City. Los Angeles is where most industry jobs are, not Denver or Salt Lake City. So we could move to Los Angeles, where Aaron may have a greater chance of finding a job in the industry, or we can move someplace like Denver, where Aaron would not likely find a job in film and end up doing something else. As much as I'd love to move to the mountains, I can't justify not living in a place where Aaron can do a job he has spent the last six years of his life training for.
Maybe that is me being prideful. Admittedly, I want him to be in film. I love seeing him love making movies, and I want him to do what he loves and not take a job just because it is a job. The other, more ego-oriented part, is wanting to prove to all the people who doubted Aaron's dreams of making movies. I do this all the time: I feel like I have to fight Aaron's battles for him. He just laughs; he doesn't care what other people think. But to me? It's terribly hard.
I don't know how to make that possible for us, and it's killing me.
I don't know how not to worry about this. We've always been OK before. I know we'll be OK through this. But it is really hard to believe sometimes.
That's what's going on right now.
PS- If you want to see Aaron's work, you can see some of his reels here and, of course, contact him if you have any opportunities. He'll be happy to work to show you what an asset he can be.