Wednesday, August 4, 2010

(semi) Wordless Wednesday

In middle school confirmation classes, I made up a songs for bible verse memorization. One of the songs that I still hum to myself today is one I made up for Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Remember when I was candid about how I was feeling about the whole film school thing? I am obnoxiously overjoyed and want to shout from the rooftops happy to report that Aaron landed the assistantship. I am so proud of him. AC wouldn't even tell his parents he got it. So I did.

We have been praying for a long time that he would be awarded the assistantship, and it is something I really believe God used to show me us his sovreignty. I complain about his school out of [my own] fear that we are investing money, time and a lot of love, honestly, in something that might not GO anywhere in the future. I never pictured being married to a man who did something creative, honestly, and as proud as I am of each thing he accomplishes, since it has all been in terms of school, I worry that the next step might not ever appear. That is because I am painfully pragmatic. Aaron is also this way about most things, but not when it comes to pursuing his dreams. This is definitely a good problem, because I think his overwhelming passion for filmmaking keeps his blinders on. I don't have those blinders, and so I worry. And a lot of it is out of selfishness. I don't want to be the person in our family who is the sole provider forever, and it scares me that I have no evidence, we'll call it, that Aaron will have a job when he graduates. Of course, if you know AC, you know that it is his personality to be the provider, and it is hard for him to think he is not contributing to "us" financially while he is in school. I don't really know if those blinders keep him from looking too far into the future (past graduation, etc.,) but I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't worry about his odds in pursuing his dream.

Enter today. He got the assistantship. God looked at me and said "quit worrying." So what would I have felt if Aaron hadn't gotten it? I don't know. I really hate saying "it's a God thing" because what if it wasn't? Yes, Aaron's dedication and talent is a gift, but I really do think Aaron worked his butt off for this and deserves it. Does that make it less of a God thing? I feel like I'm being arrogant by saying it was God's will to give my husband this opportunity because my husband deserved it. But even while I think Aaron does deserve it, does God work on the merit system? This can all be traced back to my ongoing personal battle with free will, can you tell? Does it even matter why if we are thankful and make the best of this gift?

All that to say we were hugely blessed today. My husband is a rock star, and I am proud of him.

Now, Wordless Wednesday may commence:

{all photos from hipstamatic for iphone/as a part of my halfway to graduation project}

1 comment:

Jillian Anderson said...

just remember i get to be his date to the Oscars JUST once...